The last thing I remember was being at a college party;
Taking shots and playing truth or dare;
Flirting and grinding against warm bodies;
Shouting to friends and getting shouted at in return;
Drinking myself into a mental shutdown;
Never fully recovered from that day;
Constantly slipping in and out of consciousness;
Drinking to fall asleep;
And drinking to stay awake;
It was my high and low;
Useless with it, pathetic without it;
Nothing mattered anymore;
As long as I had my booze fix, I was good;
It flowed in my bloodstream and it smelled in my sweat;
I knew I was wasting away and I couldn’t help it;
How could I stay away from the bottle which also made me feel alive?
Every drag from the bottle was like putting a revolver to the head;
Waiting for the final moment to pull the trigger;
I guess there are more ways of committing suicide than it is claimed;
I stopped fighting to stay alive;
I gave in to abyss calling forth to me;
But I found myself awake ten years later;
I looked older than my age;
My liver miserably damaged;
My body withering before my very eyes;
My youth had passed me by and I didn’t even realize it;
Where do I begin to pick up the many pieces I’ve broken myself into?
How do I regain all the wasted years?
With my sick liver, I knew my days were numbered;
After messing mine so recklessly, I doubt I deserved someone else’s;
But I knew that with the limited time I had left, I had to make them count;
So I dedicated my life (or what was left of it) to counseling young people;
To safeguard their lives by living with purpose;
To sacrifice temporary pleasures for the sake of long-term health stability;
I knew I had become an agent of change but I didn’t quite feel fulfilled;
The vacuum within me was gnawing at me;
Then I encountered the One who is able to make all things new and whole;
I felt Him from my TV screen as a preacher prayed;
And I felt a heavy weight abandon my shoulders;
And an indescribable peace flood my soul;
I knew I was changed for real with the tears that flowed;
Then as I got to know Him better by reading an old Bible I had forgotten I even owned;
I got to know that anyone who comes to Christ is a new creation;
I believed it but I also wondered how I could be new with an ailing liver;
‘I’ve made you anew’, he could hear in his ears;
He accepted it but he had to verify;
And the medical report confirmed it!
Miracles do happen!
Even to undeserving people like me!
I had to tell everyone about this Good News!
If He saved me from my self-inflicting hurt;
Why wouldn’t He do it for you too?
Who else has a testimony to share?
Why don’t you join me tell the world that there’s indeed a Savior;
He’s real and He isn’t as boring as He’s painted to be;
For in Him is life and life in abundance;
I can’t keep quiet! Please join me, shout that Jesus is Lord!
© Josephine Amoako 2016