Who am I?
Just a sinner saved by grace. A woman on a journey to discover what loves means in the most profound way ever.
Who was I?
A mentally and emotionally unsure girl who knew God from reference – parents and church. I knew God to be good, kind and faithful because my parents said and believed so. I was comfortable and felt safe at home because my father used to pray over me and my brother at night before we went to sleep. I believed that God would look after me because my father had asked Him to. I believed Jesus loved me because Sunday School taught me a rhyme which said so.
It was all rosy until I left home for senior high school which was a boarding facility. For the first time, I felt uncovered. Although I uttered my prayers just like I did back at home, the feeling was oddly different; somewhat empty. I missed home where I felt safe under the roof of my parents. I felt lonely and vulnerable.
And since it would take about three months before returning home for the holidays, how was I going to cope? My mother had bought me my first Bible devotional; Our Daily Bread. I enjoyed reading it as the commentary related it to people’s lives. I then discovered I had to have a close-up personal relationship with Jesus to be saved. Hence, I prayed that He should come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior and He did.
It’s been quite an experience ever since.
My water-to-wine life
I may not have the dramatic, jaw-dropping story of how who I was before receiving Christ and how transformed my life has become but I still consider my life one big testimony.
I’m very reserved which comes off to people as stand-offish (which saves me a lot of energy required to wear fake smiles anyway). I call myself God’s work in progress because I believe I’m getting better as in I open up to people relatively quicker than before. My spirit should be comfortable around whoever has invaded my privacy before I can open up, you see? Some people are better off left at arm’s length. They only bring out the worst in you and leave you emotionally spent. No one deserves that.
One thing I’m very happy about is my transformation when it comes to forgiveness. I used to relish holding grudges. It was like my excuse log book to keep people away from me. But since the moment I decided to take my walk with Jesus seriously, I’ve learned how to forgive and completely let go of resentments. I thought I was withholding something precious by holding on to the grudges; little did I know I was only hurting and poisoning myself with bitterness.
When I started to let go, I felt lighter and happier. So now, when I get offended (which I used to get quite easily), I make sure I deal with my emotions quickly and let it go. I cherish my sleep and peace of mind so much that I won’t allow anyone or anything to disturb it. No one is that important. Trust me, peace of mind and a lighthearted heart are priceless!
I also try not to get offended by any loose word or gesture. Some people are careless with their words and may not have any malicious intentions but feelings are feelings and they are fragile. I give people the benefit of the doubt and just move on. Sometimes wounds only fester when we fuss over them too much.
I’m not perfect. I’m far from it but I’m striving towards it through God’s help. The more I grow in God, the bigger I see Him to be. He has changed me from an ordinary, bland person into a purpose-filled and transformed being who lives to give Him glory.
And as wine tastes better with age, I can see myself being molded to be like Christ. It’s not easy but it’s totally worth it.
Can’t wait to read your story.
© Josephine Amoako 2019