I have been writing songs and poetry since the early 1990’s. That’s almost 20 years of writing at this point. I use poetry to express the inner turmoil I have always had difficulty voicing. Occasionally God has answered me in my distress through my poetry. When I was writing “The Jar of Clay,” I was using an image to try to express to God how I felt about self harm at the time. At the very end God answered me while I was writing. That is something I have never forgotten.
The Jar of Clay (written 4-26-2003)
My creator must be blind
If he could see,
he never would have finished me.
His gentle hands created me
on an old pottery wheel.
He set me along his brilliant masterpieces,
showing all my flaws clearly,
the flaws he could not see.
His masterpieces laugh at me,
“If he could see you,
he never would have finished you!”
I tried to keep him from finishing me.
I would only ruin his legacy.
I would hide among his rejects,
but somehow those blind eyes found me everytime.
I never saw the difference between me and his rejects.
If he could see, he wouldn’t have either.
When he wasn’t around,
I would chip my edges and crack my sides.
“I’m flawed and I must show him!!”
If he couldn’t see my flaws,
I would find a way to show him.
I had to save his legacy.
He must be blind,
he can’t see what I would do to his legacy.
The chipped edges and crack sides were always there,
you just couldn’t see them.
Even feeling my jagged edges and empty sides,
he merely filled them in,
he refused to see them.
He carved his initials on my base,
and set me once again with his masterpieces
I finally asked him,
“Why do you put me here?
Why do you take credit for me?
I will only ruin you!!
You must be blind if you can’t see these flaws!!
Destroy me before I ruin your legacy!!”
He looked at me straight in the eye,
“My child, you will always be mine,
and I am proud to have made you.
I am not blind.
I only see things differently.
I see what everyone else can not.
Why are you so blind?
You only see the outsides of my works.
I only see the inside.
The insides of these jars are my true masterpieces.
Even when others set you aside as a reject,
you will always be a masterpiece in my eyes.”