The day I became a Mother, was probably the most clueless, terrifying, and unsure moment of my entire life. I had no clue if I would be any good at being a Mom. Would I know what to do? What if my baby didn’t take to me? What if I could never get him to stop crying? What if I had no maternity bone in my body? I was so unsure of myself, more than I had ever been in my whole 26 years of living.
I remember when the doctors handed him over to me and I stared into his bright, hazel (then) eyes, and thought “Lord, what have I done to deserve such an amazing gift?” I would often wonder, does he know something about me that I don’t”? Of course he does, He is God…. DUH!!!!!
He knows exactly what He is giving us and how it will affect us. I can honestly say that becoming a Mother has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has changed me in more ways than I can list. I strive, every day, to be a better mother than the day before.
I am not going to lie. In the many beautiful moments of motherhood, there are some serious struggles and low points to be faced. And I am sure as my son gets older, there will be even more to follow. I found it difficult when I started to process through how in the world I could ever protect my child from the evil of this world, and from making bad choices. How I can raise him to be a Godly man, to have such respect and love for the Lord, and for him to make decisions based on who God is and what He continues to do in our lives. (My son is only 16 months, but I clearly process through all of this now. Better to be prepared)
While being a mother, there are a thousand and one things that run through your head, every second of every day, and you doubt yourself, constantly. (I know that some of you who are mothers and reading this right now, are nodding your head in agreement). It’s rough! You never know if you are doing something right, and that’s okay. It really is! We are all going to make mistakes and maybe not the best choices down the road, but that is exactly why we have a Father that we can turn to. He doesn’t judge. He is neutral, and He is there to help and guide us every step of the way, if we just call on Him. He is the one who we look to for direction and we must teach our children to do the same. We have to remember that God has entrusted us with this specific child, to care for and love. He knows who we are and He knows our ability to parent. He gave us this task and this gift, remember? The hardest part of it all, is really believing this, with every bone in your body, and living it out.
I remember, a couple of weeks ago, speaking to my good friend about exactly what I am telling you. The one thing I remember taking away from that conversation (and all of our conversations. I thank God for her) is “Go back to the Word”. Every time I start digging through the bible to help answer a question, or find a solution to my struggles, or just for comfort and clarity, I find what I need. I start searching and pulling scriptures that describe the love that God has for us. I look for that specifically because I want to show my son that SAME kind of love; unapologetic, pure, unconditional, and powerful. God loves us in a way that no one else can. He allows us to live and lets us choose, but always with the hopes that we will come back home to Him. He listens, he guides, he is patient, and he keeps promises. More than anything, he keeps his Promises. (So important to remember as a parent) These are all of the things that I truly cherish and try to keep forefront when raising my son. I want him to live a life full of love and full of God, one that I never had growing up.
I am going to leave you all off with part of a song that I listened to recently. When I heard it, it really had me in a daze and spoke so strongly to my soul. So, if you haven’t heard Love and The Outcome’s latest album, These are the Days, you must NOW! No seriously, go download it. Their song “Seek and Find” really just captivated me. While listening, in that moment I realized, these are my daily thoughts as a Mother.
...I wish I could keep you from your bad dreams and the bruised knees, keep you safe
And I’ll do my best to hold your hand through
We’ll be learning everyday
I don’t have all the answers
to all your questions, “Why?”
We’re all just dreamers and dancers through the twists and turns of life
All I can tell you is seek and you will find
Seek and you will find
Seek and you will find
…I wish I could keep you from the hard days and the tear stains keep you safe
And I’ll do my best to hold your hand through all the things I can’t explain
What I walked away with is that I won’t have all of the answers for my son. I know that he will come to me expecting to get them, but I won’t have them all. I will direct him to God. God wants us to come to Him, vulnerable and bare, with all of our questions. He doesn’t care how many questions we have, or if we repeat ourselves a thousand times. All He cares about is that we are coming to Him. Once we seek HIM, we will FIND all that we need.
“God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘we are his offspring.’” – Acts 17:27 -NIV
He is our Dad, our Father, who will be there for everything and anything. He is not far from us. Just as a child calls out for his parents, He is waiting to hear our voice. I will teach my son this and say “Seek Him, honey, and you will find the answers. I promise!”
Love & Blessings,
Lauren Burrows- XO