I get this question a lot when someone gets to know me.

What is with the sheep?

I actually have a story behind it, and its part of my testimony as a believer.

The sheep thing didn’t start out happy and positive like it appears now with all my sheep doodles.  It all started back in fall of 2000.  That means the sheep thing has been around half my life.

When I was in high school I was struggling with really bad depression.  I started cutting to try to cope with my depression and got hooked on it.  I also had started writing poetry somewhere between 1997 and 2000.  The year 2000 is where the sheep stuff stuffs showing up in those old poetry journals.

I created this name to sign all of my poetry with, The Dying Sheep.  That is the name I used on my works for several years.  You can find that name in a Literary Magazine my high school published.  This name was based on the Parable of the Lost Sheep.  I felt like the lost sheep, but I felt like God had never come to find me.  I felt abandoned by God.  So I used this image of a sheep lost and dying in the corner of a pasture for a long time.

However, I decided to hold on and keep going because of God’s promises instead of letting go and giving up on this life.  I did try to kill myself once, but I have never done that again because of God’s eternal promises.  I clung to Lamentations 3 and credit that chapter with saving my life.  I felt cast off by God, and that chapter says we are not cast off the Lord forever.  So for me that meant that things will not always be like this and that I won’t hurt like this forever.  God promised it would be worth it to stay and see this through.  So I believed him and I stayed here.

Years later after college sometime, I found myself looking back on life for some reason.  After looking back on my life and seeing where I was now I finally realized something.

GOD HAD BEEN WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME

I finally saw that God had been here all this time with me.  He had never abandoned me or rejected me.  Even as I claimed that he had, he never left my side.  So the sheep represents that day I realized that God had been with me the entire time.

At some point because sheep had turned from a negative symbol to a very positive symbol for me, I started doing sheep doodles of bands such as Disciple, The Protest, and As We Ascend.

So now you know of the story of the sheep.  So if you find any of my little sheep doodles online, that is where they came from.

 

So remember this, God has been with you this entire time too.  Through all the good and the bad, he’s never left your side.  So remember that when you feel alone and abandoned by God.  He’s actually right there beside you where he’s always been.

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